911

Last night I was in the financial district for a NY Cares Day Team Leader Orientation. As I walked up Wall Street to the train back to the borough, for some reason I did what I rarely do as a New Yorker - I looked up.

When I did, I saw the image on the right and remembered the day.

September 11, 2001, I was in my AP Government Class, which, as a senior AP, was a class where the nerds could hang out and just debate each other silly. The class where, just a week prior, the faux sexist and I discussed how the Taliban was even more extreme than he would prefer.
That particular morning we were discussing vocabulary. It was a slow morning for our well-intentioned young teacher who just couldn't seem to drag answers out of us.
Then his TA, another senior, came back from the office and told us the world trade center was on fire. At first I figured it must have been some office fire that got out of control. I think many of us were just happy to stop talking vocab and turn on the news.
We then learn it was from a plane. Weird, some private pilot flew into the tall skyscrapers. Right?
Then the other plane hit. That's when we realized it was real. The school was put on lock down. Clearly Al-Qaeda wasn't going to attack us in the middle of a cornfield, but this sort of thing brings the crazies out. Everyone who ever dreamed about placing a bomb threat was now doing so, making the already chaotic day even more so.
We stayed in my AP Government class all morning, watching the news as the third plane hit the Pentagon and the fourth went down in Pennsylvania.
We watched as we learned the Taliban was likely responsible. I had known about their horrendous treatment of women, but I hadn't realized they hated us. I was pretty sheltered and unaware at that time.
Lockdown ended in time for our third period class. For me that was choir.
At that time, I had already decided I was going to try to come to New York for college. I was looking as NYU and Marymount Manhattan College, in that order. A good friend of mine in the year below me was interested in those two as well, so we had planned a college visit trip to New York with our mothers for mid-October during fall break. I saw my friend in choir. This city we had been obsessing about as we planned our visit was now under attack.
Fourth period (after lunch) there was a bomb threat, and they evacuated us to the football field.
We returned for roughly 20 minutes of fifth period, I think, and that was the end of the day.

I was glued to the news that evening. I knew it was big. I knew it was awful. But it seemed so far away. It didn't seem real.
A month later, my friend, our mothers and I made our trip, despite the gasps of shock and horror from other adults in the community that our moms weren't just flying but flying to New York with us so soon.
My friend's mom was a teacher, and her students made a sign for us to place at the site expressing their thoughts and prayers. As we walked down there we saw the roads were blocked off to cars. Pedestrian traffic only. There were fliers everywhere with pictures of missing people, posted on lamp posts like advertisements for a concert.
Throughout the visit, everyone was still talking about it. We'd walk down the street and the party behind us would mention so-and-so who lost her uncle or this person who was there. It became real.

I've spent every September 11 since in this city. As the years go on for those who were here, it becomes a more distant memory. Particularly for those who were here and were fortunate to not lose a loved one.
For me, I think it gets more real each year. First I just lived in New York. Then I lived just a 10 minute walk from the site. Now I work in a skyscraper and truly have context for who would have been there that day. 8:46 am. Janitors, security guards, receptionists. Eager young analysts and low-level professionals getting a crack on the day or still working after a long night. The old secretaries who always take the Express Bus in from an outer borough to arrive 30 minutes early every day. The guy selling donuts and newspapers. The mail guys and gals preparing for their first run of the day. Most people who are in sky scrapers at 8:46am are people who work hard, people who are responsible, people who are probably under appreciated.
It's weird to work in these buildings and think, 'What if it had been this one?'

Depending on where Mr. ends up for residency, I will probably be spending the 9th anniversary away from this city. Never fully inside but never fully outside either, I wonder what the shift will be like.

For today, though, my thoughts and prayers are with those whose loved ones were lost, for those who were here and in DC 7 years ago, and for all of us as we continue living.