Love, Life and Lady Gaga

A friend recently quoted my fellow former fighting violet on facebook:

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

-Lady Gaga, Cosmopolitan, April 2010

I found it interesting, because I've been pondering this balance recently. No, no, I have no desire to leave Mr., nor do I fear he will wake up to tell me he doesn't love me anymore. I don't want to sacrifice Mr. for my career dreams, but how much am I willing to sacrifice my career dreams for Mr.?

In one week (1 week!!), we will find out where we'll be moving 3 months from now, whether its halfway across the borough or halfway across the country. And I can't help but wonder what I'll do if we're not in New York City.

Last summer, I discovered something about myself that most have known about me for years. I love law. I want to be a lawyer. I want to lock myself in a room full of contracts picking apart the tiniest discrepancies that could have the largest impact all night until it's time to shower and come back into work again. What drudgery, right? I mean, I'm the girl who quotes Dead Poet's Society:

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

Law is merely a noble pursuit. My passion should be theatre or fashion, right? I greatly enjoy both of those. I even love both of those. But ultimately, I'm passionate about boring old law. My father's career. The predictable career. That's why I was 25 before I figured it out / caved in and admitted as much. And yes, I know that's still young, but kids in Germany more or less figure this stuff out at 12.

So, here I am in the somewhat unique predicament of discovering my passion years after getting married. Married to a med student entering a highly competitive specialty. The feminist in me wants to say, "you need to go to the best law school you can regardless of the impact on your relationship"... but the feminist in me also made Mr. move certain programs down on the list for their lack of law school. He's making sacrifices, and I should be expected to do the same if necessary.

I think we often try to paint things in black and white. We want everything to make sense, to fit into a package of quotes about passion and dreams. But ultimately, people are important. Even Lady Gaga, ambitious as she is, offers in her song "Speechless" to stop singing if that's what it will take for her father to get a potentially life-saving surgery. At the end of the day, I'll go with my gut with what feels right in terms of law and Mr., to find the balance between doing what is best for my career and doing what is best for my family.

I'd really like to have my cake and eat it, too. After all, what good is having cake if you don't get to eat it?


04 days until Black Monday
07 days until Match Day
84 days until Mr.'s Graduation