Never Go to Bed Angry

I always thought the "never go to bed angry" advice was not for me. Often, I'll get annoyed at silly stuff, go to sleep, and wake up feeling sheepish for getting annoyed at something so silly. So, many times, it is beneficial for me to just never bring it up, to sleep on it, and get over it.

Last night, however, was not one of those nights.

This past month has been kind of crazy - work has been busy, I finished up my fashion degree, and Mr. has spent a lot of time on the road, traveling for residency interviews. When I'm stressed, I drop the details. I just do what needs to be done, and then just veg so I don't burn out. Of course, when I drop the details, Mr., being slightly OCPD, becomes more stressed. And when he becomes stressed, he snarks and nitpicks.

It got to the point where I was looking forward to him being on the road and dreading having to be in the same room with him. (And since we live in a studio, we're always in the same room if we're home.) Finally, last night, after a lovely evening with friends, Mr. made a comment that just irked me to no end; he was essentially bragging about the very character flaw that had been making me miserable the past couple weeks. I had been dozing off after a long day of traveling and really just wanted to sleep. But sensing my bad mood, Mr. coaxed the issue out of me, and we had a long talk about what wasn't working and how to move forward.

We now are keeping each other in check. I don't like my opinion to be discounted or ignored, but I recognize that I often commit one of Mr.'s pet peeves: I'll talk about topics I only know a little about. I know a little bit about a lot of topics; as Mr. put it, I know "just enough to be dangerous". What can I say? I like small talk. But I know Mr. is right in that it's dangerous for people who don't really know what they're talking about to act like they do. So, for him to help me correct that behavior without making me feel like a know-nothing idiot, he's going to use the code phrase, "we'll have to read more about it".

Similarly, I can't take the nit-picking. Any comment alone seems silly to complain about, but when that's all I'm hearing from my husband, it feels like rocks building up in my chest. It just drags me down and makes me not want to be around him. Naturally, Mr. doesn't want to hurt me or be a drag, so when he starts to do that, I'm now going to respond by saying "don't be a grump".

We didn't go to bed angry but rather with a renewed sense of marital bliss. We had our airing of grievances (it's a Festivus miracle!), and came up with productive actions to take in the future if necessary.

I guess sometimes it is best to not go to bed angry.


Meanwhile... 81 days until Match Day!

Informal Pre-Interview Social Event

Mr. has been on three residency interviews so far, but last night was the first pre-interview social event to which spouses were invited. Luckily it was nearby, so I was able to attend!

Here's my take:

What to wear
With orthopedic surgery, I've found that most of the social events are in private rooms at sports bars, dive bars and breweries. They're obviously pretty casual, but it's still part of an interview. Last night, most people were in jeans. I was in a jersey-knit modal wrap dress, tights, and stilettos. I'm happy with my choice. While I was dressier than almost everyone else, it was still a pretty casual dress. Plus, I'd rather err on the side of over-dressed than under-dressed.
For women attending these events, though, I think the ideal outfit (if highs are 60 or colder) is a cute sweater dress, tights, and flat boots. It's very casual, very appropriate for a bar but still an acknowledgment that it is a networking event.
If you're not a dress person, fear not; trousers are appropriate (unless it's at a swanky venue... so far, that has not been the case for Mr.).

Who to talk to
Anyone! I had a great time last night talking to the other applicants and their significant others. However, you certainly want to talk to those in the program and their significant others.

What to ask about
I think it's good to ask the residents and their significant others about the lifestyle, the housing options, the city (if you don't already live there), and life in general. It's good to get a feel for how happy they are in their program and express your willingness to live in the city of that program.

Overall, have fun! Don't dance on any tables or wear lampshades, of course, but be yourself and help your spouse be him/herself. Have fun finding the right program for you.